sarahntastic

Tranny Ambush:  when your friend that’s a boy that plays boy sports, sweats like a boy, talks like a boy, drinks like a boy, acts like a boy, dresses up like a frumpy woman to pick you up for lunch not having forewarned you of such.

Also used when said boy wants to date you then reveals at some point when you already like him “I think I’m a girl, a lesbian, in fact.”

I have a match.com profile but I do nothing with it. I don’t answer emails, I don’t talk to anyone, and I certainly wouldn’t do anything as ridiculous as meet anyone. However, I do read the email I get.

from manquaman noon-ish:

Hi Sarah! You’re funny & you’re right, your hair is cute, write back.

(I don’t write back, in fact, I see both emails at the same time, later in the evening)

from manquaman noon-thirty-ish:

Sorry, I hate socialism and socialist/collectivist political agendas, so I’m sure we would not get along.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! I DIDN’T ASK YOU TO WRITE TO ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A  portion of my profile says:

“Politically I’m very liberal. I think we need universal healthcare, socialism is not a dirty word, anyone who wants to get married should be allowed to do so, women are the only people on the planet who should be able to decide what they do with their own bodies, and Muslims are not terrorists. Make love, not war, and all that. On this I am totally uncompromising.”

Yes, clearly socialism makes me a total asshole.